NOTICE: All screenshots have been censored with Commodore brown.

AsteroideZX, the dirty old menace, has sent us an adult game entitled The Adventures of Mr P.N., which features explicit imagery and a scintillating plot which threatens the morals of the nation! Yes, unfortunately not even the CSSCGC can escape the modern society! If UDG Strip Poker was a shot across the bows, then this is a bullet through the heart of all that is good and decent!

Once the tape has loaded, the game greets us with an obscene depiction of a smiling male organ, accompanied by a charming rendition of Mr. Sandman (at least the author has some taste). The plot is that Mr P.N is on vacation in Dallas, and his girlfriend proposes a game – she will drop the front door key down the shower drain, and let it fall somewhere in the garden. If Mr P.N can catch it and open the door in under thirty seconds, ten times in a row, there will be a foam party with his lover. If he fails, then she will ignore him and continue to condition her hair (note that the Google translation of the Spanish text on the title screen instead states that Mr P.N will be doomed to bashing the bishop).

Now we get into the game itself. Our little P.N is depicted at the door of his lover’s flat. Below him is the garden where the key resides, and connecting the two is a narrow passage (oo-er) where the envious bricklayer resides, ready to frustrate you in your quest.

The first thing that strikes you as you take control of your little member is the slow pace at which he walks on his two veg (which to be expected given this is written in BASIC). The game clock is paced so that about four steps can be taken for every second passed, which is enough for the vast majority of key placements. However, there’s about a four-percent chance that you’ll be given an impossible key placement, thus shattering your hopes of a happy ending.

It’s not quite as simple as run to the key and unlock the door, since the bricklayer will block off the passage when the timer hits ten seconds. He’ll unblock it at two seconds, but be careful not unlock the door between those events, as otherwise the brick will remain for the next round, rendering you unable to reach the key.

Graphics are nicely drawn but are fairly sparse, especially in the garden area. Sound is adequate, with a few spot effects and two beeper renditions that actually sound fairly good, at least to my ears, which have been horribly maimed by the entries prior.

Overall, The Adventures of Mr P.N. is fairly boring on the gameplay front, but still amuses by way of the scenario and the characters. I’ve not much more to say about it really, but I imagine if Mary Whitehouse was still around, she’d only be a quarter-way through her tirade by now.